It was great to go on this journey again and stay with it to the end. Robert Jordan finished this journey in 1990. I took it for the first time in 1995, but I wasn’t even an adult at the time. Thirty years later, experiencing it again gave me a new perspective. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that if I don’t write shit down, I’m definitely going to misplace and forget it.

This time around, I feel like there was less braid-tugging, arm crossing, and other annoying linguistic quirks than I remembered. I’m not saying that every chapter was a well-balanced work of art, but overall it was a very smooth and well-flowing first installment. Now I’m wondering if those tics don’t really ramp up until the later books. I did get partway through The Fires of Heaven, after all.

Will I make it to the end of the series? Light, if I try to think that far ahead, I’ll never make it. All I can say for now is: hello again, The Great Hunt — I’m coming for you.

Spring returns, the Shadow retreats, and Rand thinks running away will solve everything. Moiraine, meanwhile, has found what she spent twenty years looking for: the Dragon Reborn.

I guess killing two of the Forsaken left the Shadow reeling, because it’s suddenly a lot easier to leave the Blight than it was to enter. Once the group has traveled far enough south, we see that spring has finally arrived.

Near Fal Dara, men speak of a miraculous victory at Tarwin’s Gap. They believe the Creator intervened, but we know better. So does Lord Agelmar — he witnessed the battle, and has no doubt that he saw a man channel.

Moiraine entrusts the Horn of Valere to Lord Agelmar, with strict instructions to deliver it to Illian.

Rand gets some sword lessons from Lan, and has a talk with Egwene. He says he’s “going away” but won’t say where. Even he doesn’t seem to know, but he doesn’t want to be gentled, and he doesn’t want to bring trouble to Emond’s Field. So… somewhere. He’s also trying to convince himself he won’t channel again. That’s adorable — like a kid swearing he’ll never grow up. Good luck with that.

Moiraine is content. Ever since Gitara’s foretelling, for twenty years, she has been desperately searching for the Dragon, and she has finally found him.

The end.

Rand wakes up hung over from channeling and thinks he killed the Dark One. The Eye is gone, but they find a broken seal from the Dark One’s prison, the Horn of Valere, and the Dragon’s banner in its place.

The chapter opens to Rand rolling around in some “oily” charred ashes. The ashes are vaguely Aginor-shaped, complete with bits that resemble his distinctive green cape. It’s impossible to read this and not notice that this feels exactly like waking up in a puddle of vomit after being blackout drunk. What happened last night, Rand? Did things get a little crazy? Did you binge drink that tainted Power and the rest is a blur? Did you come back here after your meeting with Ba’alzamon and partied a little too hard with Aginor? Inquiring minds want to know.

Rand then does what any hung-over person would do — put his head over the cliff’s edge and hurl. Still clearly inebriated, Rand stumbles downhill proclaiming, “Shai’tan is dead! Shai’tan is dead!”

Yikes. Someone needs to get this man a coffee. Shai’tan is, I believe, the Dark One’s proper name, and last time I checked, uttering this aloud tends to get you noticed. So unless you’re absolutely sure that was the Dark One you nuked, maybe it’s best to keep that word out of your vocab, Mr. Dragon.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but you’ve already got enough trouble without actively inviting more. Those people who call you their friend? They’re gonna be scared of you now, if they know you can channel. Case in point, Nynaeve comes right out and says it: “You’re too dangerous, Rand.” Ouch! At least Egwene doesn’t treat him any differently. Neither does Lan. Moiraine, as usual, simply wants to drag every last detail out of him. The others aren’t asking, and Rand’s not telling.

Rand learns that the Eye is gone, and in its place stands a crystal column with steps leading up to it. The others retrieved artifacts from the cavern:

• One of the “unbreakable” seals on the Dark One’s prison, shattered into pieces.
• The Horn of Valere.
• A banner of the Dragon.

Even as the chapter comes to a close, Rand is still clinging to the notion that he defeated the Dark One. Dude, I hate to break it to you, but we still have thirteen more books to get through.

Rand teleports away from Aginor, nukes the Trollocs at Tarwin’s Gap, and shows Ba’alzamon what he thinks of the Dark One.

Rand scrambles uphill until the ground gives way to a sheer drop — bad news, because Aginor is right behind him. Cornered at the cliff’s edge, Rand has a panic-induced epiphany and opens himself to saidin. He can see Aginor’s connection to the True Source. In desperation, Rand opens his own line to the True Source and teleports away.

His destination? Why, Tarwin’s Gap, of course. You didn’t think Jordan dropped a hopeless battle into the plot just for decoration, did you? Rand sees that the situation is indeed dire. Trolloc armies severely outnumber the human forces. No problem, eh Rand? Nothing a little channeling won’t fix! He send a shockwave of burning, earth-shattering destruction at the Trollocs, instantly causing massive damage and confusion.

Things start getting annoyingly metaphysical here, in that special way that only Robert Jordan can achieve. Stairs appear in the middle of the battlefield, and Rand ascends them. The farther up he goes, the more the world behind him fades away until he reaches a door that leads into a chamber that he had previous visited in a dream. Ba’alzamon is there. He and Rand engage in a verbal pissing contest, but it’s clear the conversation isn’t going anywhere, Rand conjures a lightsaber (not kidding) and uses it to give Ba’alzamon the old heave-ho.

First Palpatine, now a sword made of light. If this story ends with rebels blowing up a fortress, Disney’s lawyers are going to start calling.

The Green Man leads the group to the Eye, which turns out to be pure saidin untouched by the Dark One. Moiraine finally explains why they came here — just in time for Aginor and Balthamel, two of the Forsaken, to crash the party. The Green Man dies killing Balthamel, Moiraine throws fire at Aginor, and everyone else bails in a panic. Can’t say I blame them — Aginor’s giving strong “boss fight you’re not leveled up for” energy.

The Green Man leads the way through his garden oasis to an arch set into the side of a hill.

GREEN MAN: I will not follow you in. That thing makes me uneasy. I feel myself being unmade.

Dude, you are definitely gonna die. Alright, Green Man. Go ahead and stand outside alone where the bad guys can shiv you on their way into the chamber.

Everyone else heads into the chamber with a pool that is literally built in the oval shape of an eye.

MOIRAINE: The Eye of the World.

MAT: But what is it?

Ding ding ding ding ding! Somebody give this man a prize! Leave it to the village idiot to finally ask the question that should have been obvious since Chapter 42: Remembrance of Dreams. Well, Moiraine? The time has come to spill it. What is the Eye of the World?

MOIRAINE: It is purified pool of saidin, the male half of the True Source.

RAND: Why did you bring us here?

Oh, man! Ding again! I hope we’re not out of prizes, because now Rand deserves one too.

MOIRAINE: Because you are ta’veren, and you must stop the Dark One when he strikes here.

Great, so, uh… just one question — when is that going to be, exactly? Because it looks like nobody is here. Is the group just going to hang out here for days and weeks and months until the Dark One decides to show up? Moiraine suggests they go back outside, and everyone is so uncomfortable being in a room full of saidin that they eagerly follow.

MAN: I have found you at last.

Either this man has not aged well, or he attended the Emperor Palpatine School of Beauty. Seriously, his character description reads like Jordan had clearly been watching Return of the Jedi, needed to come up with a look for a fugly bad guy, and out came this dude who calls himself Aginor. If you accept this, then you really have to wonder what kind of kinky shit Jordan was watching before he penned the description for Aginor’s companion, Balthamel. According to the text, Balthamel has a “tight, black leather carapace” covering his entire body, a mask that is frozen into a smile, and he never speaks. So we’ve got Emperor Palpatine and BDSM Dude. Where does the Dark One get these guys — Villains R Us?

At the same time, I will admit that Jordan came up with some pretty darn cool names for his villains. Ba’alzamon. Aginor. Balthamel. They just sound menacing. But here’s what I want to know — where did those names come from, in-universe? Admittedly, this is a world where mothers are honest-to-God giving their children weird-ass names like Caniedrin and Gelb. But even so, you can not tell me that anyone is going to name their child Ishamael. I really hope each of these names has a story behind it, because otherwise you have to imagine them sitting down for the most pathetic brainstorming session ever. “Hmm, what should my evil name be, now that I’m so evil? Isaac? No. Ivan? Mmm, no. Ishtar? Meh. I’ve got it! Ishamael!”

Wherever the names came from, everyone knows the Forsaken from the stories. Mat speaks up, insisting that the Forsaken are bound with the Dark One in Shayol Ghul, but Aginor smugly corrects him, declaring that the seals are weakening and the Forsaken are beginning to walk free once more.

Lan flashes forward to attack, but Aginor flicks him away like he’s a tin soldier, and he lands in a crumpled heap. This is not cool with Nynaeve, so she launches herself at Aginor, only for Balthamel to catch her by her face and lift her up into the air. Egwene moves to help, but Rand tackles her to the ground. Mat and Perrin move in, only to be knocked flat on their asses by an invisible barrier.

Balthamel finally tosses Nynaeve aside when the Green Man intervenes. The two grapple in combat. Balthamel scorches the Green Man, but not before the Green Man makes all manner of fungus and lichen and nettles sprout within Balthamel’s body. Vegetation destroys the mute Forsaken from the inside out, causing his dominatrix outfit to burst at the seams. With that, the Green Man dies — called it! — and a massive oak tree sprouts in his place.

Aginor is incensed, but so is Moiraine. She channels and creates a pit of flames under Aginor’s feet, but he just hangs there in mid-air and slowly walks across nothing toward his enemies. Moiraine commands everyone to run, and they’re so scared shitless that they all disappear into the trees, Rand included. Hey, Rand — it’s OK, big man. Moiraine will be fine. I’m sure that guttural shriek just means she’s winning.

The Blight comes alive in all the worst ways as the group journeys north. Just when things are looking grim, they find themselves in the Green Man’s oasis, and he leads the way to the Eye of the World.

If Robert Jordan describes the sun as “sullen” one more time, I’m going to throw this book across the room. My teenage daughter is sullen. The family gathering after Grandma’s funeral is sullen. The sun is a giant thermonuclear reaction — it can’t be sullen! The Eye of the World uses the word “sullen” fourteen times, and three of those are describing the sun. I’m not opposed to a little anthropomorphism, but when it stands out like this, someone needs to arrange an intervention. Jordan, buddy, there are other adjectives. Let’s find them together.

Moiraine and Lan erase the last vestiges of the campsite and the group continues north toward the Mountains of Dhoom. Trees begin to move in unnatural ways. One of them bends over to snatch an animal from the ground. Abominations charge them from the treeline, and Moiraine’s connection to the True Source seems to be no deterrent.

Just as the attacks grow overwhelming, a sound from behind makes the sickly forest stand still. Lan says it is the cry of a pack of Worms, creatures so lethal they can kill Fades. Yikes! Someone call Kevin Bacon — he’ll know what to do!

Lan says the Worms are afraid of what lives in the mountains, so they ride hard for the peaks. Trees collapse behind them and the sickening wail of the Worms grows louder. They aren’t going to make it in time, but to stand and face them is suicide. In this moment of crisis, the Blight abruptly ends and everyone is standing in a lush, healthy forest.

The Green Man is there. He is another character who has been repeatedly mentioned in the same breath as the Eye without anyone asking who the fuck he is. He seems to be one of those mystical caretaker “forest spirit” types. He is much larger than even Loial, and is composed of living foliage, save for a desiccated brown scar on his cheek. The Green Man identifies Perrin as a Wolfbrother, and calls Rand “Child of the Dragon” — but neither of them is very comfortable with the attention. Moiraine declares they are here to see the Eye of the World, and the Green Man agrees to take them to it.

Now, I admit I read this book before, but that was thirty years ago and I do not remember anything about the end of this book. However — why do I get the strong feeling that the Green Man is about to die? I suppose it’s because of the trope. You know the one — gentle immortal guardian of peace and balance, untouched by evil for millennia, until the plot shows up. Watch your back, Green Man.

The group enters the Blight, which sounds a lot like the Pit of Eternal Stench from Labyrinth. Nynaeve makes a bold romantic move on Lan, and he deflects like a pro.

Why is it that the portion of a fantasy world that has been subsumed by evil always resembles an ecological disaster? Middle Earth’s Mordor looks like the surface of Io. The Lands of Always Winter in Westeros are eternally frozen. And the Blight? The Blight is like an alien jungle planet where every plant is poisonous and the wildlife is just waiting to lay eggs in your stomach.

Moiraine keeps talking about “finding” the Eye of the World, as though it isn’t always in the same place. Loial confirms that the Eye isn’t pinned to a specific point on the map — you find it when you need it, which sounds suspiciously like how you get into Narnia. Maybe they should’ve checked the back of Agelmar’s wardrobe before setting out.

After a day’s journey, Moiraine sets up a nifty weave that makes their campsite invisible to anyone standing outside of it. Egwene does her best to annoy everyone by yammering about how they’ll all go to Tar Valon after this and live happily ever after. But the real star of the show is Nynaeve:

NYNAEVE: I should have known you would be a king.

LAN: I’m not a king. I’m just a man.

NYNAEVE: Some women just want the man.

LAN: You deserve more than that.

NYNAEVE: You know, a Wisdom seldom weds. Looks like I’m not gonna be a Wisdom.

What the actual fuck? Is Nynaeve in heat or something? If this goes any farther, these two are going to have to get a room. She comes within an inch of proposing marriage. Where did that even come from?!?

Um — hey Nynaeve, you do know that Lan is already pretty attached to this Aes Sedai you hate, right? Unless you’re into that sort of thing! Anyway, not to worry, because in his next breath Lan shoots her down and leaves her in tears as he goes to check on the horses. It’s probably for the best — we really don’t have time for weird throuple drama when we’re trying to save the fucking world.

Moiraine interrogates Fain and learns that he has been stalking Rand, Mat, and Perrin for years. Meanwhile, Agelmar gives a TED Talk on how to lose a nation to pettiness. He’s skeptical about sending three farmboys to the Eye of the World, and honestly it’s hard to argue with the man.

To pass the time while Moiraine interrogates talks to Padan Fain, Agelmar tells the story of how the nation of Malkier fell to the blight. Was it because the Dark One was too strong? A cunning Dreadlord general? Some brilliant Shadow plot? Nope — what it all came down to was bickering, jealousy, distrust and infighting. The people of the Light didn’t lose Malkier to the Shadow — the dumb shits handed it over.

When Moiraine reappears, she is so disgusted by having been in contact with Fain that she immediately washes her hands. She says Fain has been a Darkfriend for over forty years, spending the last three helping the Dark One zero in on Rand, Mat, and Perrin. After Baerlon, the Dark One compelled him to hunt the boys. He even followed them into the Ways, and according to Moiraine, Machin Shin took one look at him ran away. Personally, I think it was the man’s BO.

Lord Agelmar still thinks he can help:

AGELMAR: Just give me a day with the beggar, Moiraine Sedai. I will discover what he is hiding.

MOIRAINE: I do not have a day, Lord Agelmar.

AGELMAR: Then at least take some real men with you instead of these three jokers.

RAND: Uh, we’re standing right here.

Moiraine assures Agelmar that these three are ta’veren with the blood of Manetheren, and nobody else can fight the battle at the Eye of the World.

Retiring for the night, their mission remains unchanged. So does the fact that nobody knows what the hell it even is.

At Fal Dara, the group receives a royal welcome, thanks to Lan and Moiraine’s good reputation. But just when everyone is enjoying a relaxing evening, Padan Fain shows up to shit all over it.

On the way to Fal Dara, the conversation proceeds thusly.

MAT: Fuck, it’s cold.

LAN: Sissy. It’s a fine spring day.

RAND: Hey Nynaeve, Egwene — maybe the two of you should stay behind while we go to the Eye.

NYNAEVE: We’re coming with you men. By the way, did anyone think to ask what the Eye is or what we’re going to do there?

RAND/PERRIN/MAT/EGWENE: Nope!

MAT: Heh. She called us men.

EGWENE: Rand, I only danced with Aram. I didn’t do anything else.

RAND: Yeah, and I only talked with Min, so let’s drop it.

Jesus Christ. This is like a hellish cross between Boy Meets World and Dawson’s Creek. If I had to travel with these people, I’d go insane. I know Moiraine said Machin Shin is confined to the Ways, but maybe if I ask nicely enough it could reach a tendril out and strangle one of these fuckers?

Mercifully, the group finally arrives at Fal Dara. Entering the city, it’s like a medieval version of Cheers, because everyone there seems to know Lan and Moiraine’s name. Remarkably, they aren’t even afraid of seeing an Ogier, and keep greeting Loial with “Glory to the Builders!” Lan, for his part, seems to also be known by the name “Dai Shan,” and the people of Fal Dara are eager for the Golden Crane to fly again — whatever that means.

Entering the fortress in the middle of the town, the group receives a royal greeting, with servants seeing to their horses. Ingtar, an old acquaintance of Lan’s, takes them to Agelmar, Fal Dara’s leader. It sounds like things at the border between Fal Dara and the Blight are bleak — they’re expecting to fight a big battle at nearby Tarwin’s Gap, and people keep trying to persuade Lan and Moiraine to come fight with them. When it becomes apparent that they have urgent business at the Eye of the World, Agelmar tries to convince them to take men from Fal Dara with them, but Moiraine insists that “low-profile” is the name of the game.

Soon they are dining together and sharing stories, until Ingtar interrupts with news that a man has been caught trying to scale the city walls. When the man is marched in, Rand recognizes the beggar from Caemlyn — and everyone sees it’s a very haggard, wild-eyed Padan Fain. He says the rags are a disguise, and he can show Agelmar how to defeat the Dark One, if he’ll only listen. And hey, maybe while he’s at it he can show everyone how to spin straw into gold!

Moiraine insists on having a talk with him in private. Just her, Lan, Padan, and that Compulsion weave we saw in New Spring.

The Ways are crumbling, Machin Shin is hunting them, and the exit is locked — so Moiraine melts it open with a thermonuclear blowtorch. Welcome to Fal Dara.

Rand looks across the chasm and notices the bridge is just… floating there. If this is upsetting to Rand, he doesn’t voice his discontent — that’s Nynaeve’s job. She is still blaming Moiraine for every misfortune, big or small. The bridge is out? Is this what you’ve brought us to, Aes Sedai? Whitecloaks are in town? You’ve put us in danger, Aes Sedai. Getting chased by Fades and Trollocs? What’s the plan now, genius? Honestly, if Moiraine snapped and slapped Nynaeve across her face, that would be understandable. Anyway, the bridge may be out, but there is always more than one route between places in the Ways, so they backtrack and keep going.

When it is time to stop for sleep, Moiraine tells the group that she doesn’t believe Thom is really dead because Min’s visions involved him too. This leads to a conversation where all of the twenty-somethings act like they’re still in high school, talking about who did what with various members of the opposite sex. Rand spoke to Min? How dare he! Egwene danced with Aram? Scandalous! Farmer Grinwell’s daughter, Else, had the hots for Rand? I need to go take a cold shower! I’ll tell you something — if I was Machin Shin, I would be in the mood to murder them, too, after having to listen to this tripe.

Indeed, after they start moving again, Lan tells the group that someone or something is following them. Hearing this, Mat turns around in his saddle and fires an arrow behind them into the darkness, giving us one of the best lines in this book:

LAN: Stop that, you village idiot.

The next Guiding stone they come upon has Trolloc runes carved into it. According to Moiraine, this explains how the Trolloc armies have been getting around so easily. At the foot of one of the bridges, a group of Trollocs appears to have been killed in some strange and painful way, causing them to turn to stone. Moiraine thinks they probably fell victim to a trap left by the male Aes Sedai who created the Ways. Sure, Moiraine. It must be that, and not the evil, invisible presence that is known to haunt the Ways.

RAND: Say, did you feel that breeze?

LOIAL: There is no breeze in the Ways.

It quickly becomes clear that Machin Shin is pursuing them, and they race to the Waygate that leads to Fal Dara. To Moiraine’s horror, the leaf is gone, so essentially it’s a door that is missing its handle. Moiraine switches to Plan B — burn the shit out of it. She channels balefire from the end of her staff and melts her way through the stone of the gate. Let me say that again. She melts a fucking hole in the fucking gate. This gate is a huge slab of stone that is probably a good foot in thickness. If she is able to melt a hole in it within a couple of minutes, that would mean that balefire would have to be at least as hot as the surface of the Sun. And hopefully that is in the form of coherent, directed energy, or else — to quote Sarah Connor — “anybody not wearing two-million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day.”

Once Moiraine melts the stone, Lan charges it with his horse and knocks it over, allowing everyone to escape. Welcome to Fal Dara, everyone. It’s a wintery shithole that is uncomfortably close to the Blight, but hey, at least it isn’t actively trying to kill you. Yet.

 

The gang sneaks through Caemlyn, finds the Waygate, and steps into the dark, creepy hell-road where physics is optional and bridges are missing chunks.

Winding their way through the predawn streets of Caemlyn, Loial guides the group toward a shop. The Waygate is in the cellar, so they head around back and let themselves inside.

The entrance into the Ways is guarded by a gate wrought from living stone. Moiraine seems to have knowledge of these gates, because she is able to discern a specific leaf in the artwork adorning the gate and move it from one place to another. That seemed… too easy. I was expecting she would need to channel, or Loial would need to sing at it, or Lan would perform a secret knock. But just pick up a leaf and move it from one place to another? Good luck keeping that a secret. This is like hiding your house key under the doormat.

The stone gate swings open and reveals the shimmering entrance into the Ways. As each member of the group passes through the mystical veil, we learn that time passes more slowly in the Ways. Apparently, Jordan liked Einstein’s theory of relativity enough to weave it into the Pattern.

The darkness in the Ways is oppressive as Loial guides them along paths and bridges. He uses Guiding stones like they’re mall directories for the world’s worst shopping trip. Everything is proceeding according to plan… until Loial stops dead. The bridge ahead is missing a chunk the size of a Two Rivers sheep pasture. Apparently, even in nightmare realms, infrastructure sucks.

Rand asks about the Ways, not the Eye — so it’s lore dump o’clock. Turns out the Ways are broken, haunted, and lethal, but hey — Moiraine says full speed ahead.

Rand — bless his heart — decides to ask what the Ways are instead of what the Eye of the World is. Cue massive lore drop.

Loial explains that during the time of the Breaking, the Ogier offered sanctuary to the male Aes Sedai. In a stedding, Aes Sedai are completely cut off from the One Power, so it was a way for male channelers to remain safe from the tainted saidin. Despite this, they chose to leave. This might seem illogical, but then again, have you ever seen a heroin addict who could be cured by appealing to reason? Trying to deny an Aes Sedai from touching the True Source is like trying to deny an addict their fix. And so, the male Aes Sedai left the stedding, but in thanks, they gave the Ogier the Ways — a mystical realm where great distances in the real world can be traveled in short time.

But since the Ways were created by men wielding Power fouled by the Dark One, the Ways gradually lost their light. Now it is dark and dangerous in the Ways, and an evil presence known as Machin Shin — the Black Wind — wanders the realm, driving those it touches insane. Why risk everyone’s necks in the Ways? Oh, you’ll love this one:

MOIRAINE: If we bring ta’veren to the Eye of the World, we might — somehow, some way — be able to stop the Dark One from using the Eye of the World for himself.

Gosh, sounds like a good time to ask what the fuck the Eye of the World is, right? Nope!

RAND, MAT, PERRIN, EGWENE, NYNAEVE: Ok, let’s go.

They jot down a supply list, Gill works his ass off, and before dawn the gang heads out — still not asking the one question that matters.

Moiraine can’t break Mat’s curse, but she steadies him long enough for a reunion. The gang shares their horror stories, Moiraine pivots the plan, and Fal Dara becomes the new destination — via the murder maze known as the Ways.

Rand leads the group downstairs to the library, momentarily forgetting that no one has met Loial yet. The shock fades fast, and soon he’s fielding questions about being an Ogier.

Soon Mat joins everyone in the library with Moiraine at his heels. He’s looking a lot better, and definitely has that Ferris Bueller vibe back, with his cheeky grins and smart-ass charm. Mat apologizes for the way he has been acting, and explains that his memory of events has been getting hazier ever since Whitebridge. Everyone is relieved to have the old Mat back, but Moiraine clarifies that she couldn’t take the dagger away without killing him — he’s safe for now, but will need help from the White Tower to be fully healed.

As the group discusses what to do next, the subject of the Eye of the World comes up. The boys tell Moiraine about Ba’alzamon visiting their dreams. Egwene and Perrin share the spearmaiden story they heard from the tuatha’an. Loial talks about a man who came to his stedding at the end of the Aiel War. The message from all of these sources is the same — that the Dark One plans to blind the Eye of the World.

At last! We’re almost done with this goddamn book, and we still don’t know what the fuck the Eye of the World is. Certainly, Mr. Jordan is about to tell us, right?

ROBERT JORDAN: Sorry, fuckers!

Nope, Moiraine is not going to tell us what the Eye of the World is or why it is so important. She says this news changes everything, but nobody demands to know why! Unbelievable. They simply accept it when she says that they must skip Tar Valon and head to Fal Dara instead, where the Eye of the World supposedly waits.

But they can’t simply hit the road in the morning. With dark forces amassing outside Caemlyn, they’ll be overwhelmed by Fades and Trollocs the moment they try to leave. Lucky for them, they’ve got an Ogier, so Moiraine proposes leaving via the Ways. Loial ends the chapter by protesting the idea, saying they’ll all die if they enter the Ways.

Hey Moiraine, I’m going to send you a book to read — it’s called Start With Why by Simon Sinek. He writes books about leadership, and it seems like you could use a few pointers.

Rand returns to The Queen’s Man and tells Master Gill and Loial all about his adventure. They’re interrupted when the Whitecloaks arrive looking for Perrin and Egwene, but Master Gill gets rid of them. A serving maid announces Moiraine’s arrival, and the gang finally reunites — just in time for Mat to fully commit to being demonically possessed. Let the exorcism begin.

Rand hurries back to The Queen’s Man and finds Master Gill playing stones with Loial.

RAND: Master Gill, you won’t believe where I’ve been. I accidentally trespassed on palace grounds, and I ended up meeting Queen Morgase and her children! Elaida was there, too.

MASTER GILL: Holy shit, boy. I told you to stay away from that harpy, not go say hello. You’ve got to get the fuck out of here.

LOIAL: Can I come with you?

RAND: Dude, I already told you no.

LOIAL: Pleeeeeease?

RAND: Ok, fine!

SERVING MAID: Master Gill, there are Whitecloaks in the common room.

MASTER GILL: Fuck my life.

Rand peeks into the common room after Master Gill. The Whitecloaks are hunting a Darkfriend boy from the Two Rivers. Someone needs to tell this guy to take a fucking number. Gill doesn’t blink — with his own guards at his back, he lays into the Whitecloaks and tells them to piss off.

Gill barely catches his breath before the serving girl reappears — now with news of a lady in the kitchen asking for Rand and Mat by name. Figuring it can only mean one thing, Rand rushes into the kitchen and is reunited with Moiraine, Lan, Nynaeve, Egwene, and Perrin.

Everyone heads upstairs ahead of Moiraine to see Mat, who is now operating in full Exorcist mode, rasping out utterances that Beetlejuice would be proud of. It’s all ‘Pretty Nynaeve,’ ‘Pretty Egwene,’ and ‘My, my, Perrin—your eyes have changed.’ But let’s be real — if Jordan weren’t running this novel like it’s a family-friendly theme park, Mat’s comments would have made HBO blush.

Moiraine instantly senses the evil energy when she comes into the room and orders everyone to stand away from Mat. She touches Mat’s knee, and he lashes out with the ruby handled dagger, coming within inches of Moiraine’s face — before Lan snags his wrist mid-swing. Moiraine explains that the dagger is why the Darkfriends had such an easy time finding Rand and Mat on their journey to Caemlyn. Lan adds that it’s why Trollocs are massed outside — either waiting to pounce when they leave or burn Caemlyn to the ground if they stay.

For the time being, Moiraine whips out her angreal and tells everyone to clear out — because the exorcism is about to begin.

That voice belonged to Elayne Trakand, Daughter-Heir of Andor. Her brother, Gawyn, is there with her. After Elayne bandages Rand’s head injury, their half-brother Galad shows up to shit all over their fun. Hearing of the stranger in the palace grounds, Queen Morgase demands to see all three of them. Elaida is at the Queen’s side, eager to tell everyone what a shifty character Rand is. Fortunately for him, Morgase believes his story and allows him to leave the palace grounds.

The voice that startled Rand off of the wall belongs to Elayne Trakand, Daughter-Heir to the throne of Andor. Yep, we’re in chapter 40 of 53 — seems like the perfect time to introduce a new major character, if your name happens to be Robert Jordan. Elayne’s mother has ordered her to stay away from the Logain business, but curiosity wins, so she dragged her brother Gawyn out of the palace for an adventure.

Elayne bandages Rand’s bleeding head. Following introductions, Rand realizes he’s in deep shit. Not only has he entered the palace grounds without permission, but he is also in the company of the royal children. At this moment, Galad — Elayne and Gawyn’s half-brother — discovers them. We’re told that Galad is a very just person who never lies and always does what’s right. But he comes off more as a pedantic, snide, self-serving weasel who enjoys ruining everyone else’s day just because he is so pathetically unlikable that nobody wants to be around him — in other words, Galad makes a first impression that is identical to Arnold J. Rimmer from Red Dwarf. And frankly, Rimmer might be more fun at parties.

Thanks to Galad, Elayne, Gawyn, and Rand are marched into the palace to stand before Queen Morgase. Elaida is there too, and she is knitting as though she is a harmless spinster sliding into her golden years. Bitch, let me tell you something: you aren’t fooling anybody. My cat likes to make a show of innocence as well, but that doesn’t stop her from scratching the couch, puking on the rug, and knocking shit off the counter the very next chance she gets.

When the conversation turns to Rand, Elayne argues that interacting directly with citizens of Andor is the best way to come to know the Queen’s subjects. Elaida takes a level of interest in Rand that makes him understandably uncomfortable. She talks about how unusual his physical attributes are for a Two Rivers native, and she discovers that the sword at his waist carries the heron mark. At this, the entire room tenses up. The heronmark sword is the sign of a master swordsman. Nobody in the room is ready to believe it really belongs to Rand until Gareth Bryne, the Captain-General of the Queen’s Guard, pronounces that it fits him so well that it must belong to him.

We then learn that Elaida has the gift of Foretelling. Oh, Elaida — that’s a difficult gift to have, you know. Remember what happened to Gitara in Chapter 2: A Wish Fulfilled from New Spring? Yeah, that was the one where the Amyrlin Seat’s Keeper of the Chronicles felt the rebirth of the Dragon, warned everyone about it, and promptly dropped dead. Fortunately for Elaida, she seems to have a better handle on the talent. She spews a bunch of doom-and-gloom about darkness swallowing the world. Then she cranks up the creep-factor, leaning in close to Rand and whispering to him alone that big changes are coming to the world, and he is the center of it all.

Elaida and Gareth suggest that Morgase throw Rand in jail for a while, but Morgase disagrees. She says that suspicion is smothering Andor, and she won’t be a part of it. Rand swears an oath that falling into the palace grounds wasn’t part of some plot, and she sends him on his way. Elayne and Gawyn come along to the gate. Elayne tells him he’s handsome. Gawyn says he looks like an Aielman. Congratulations, Rand — that makes you exotic eye candy.

Rand heads out into the city to see the false Dragon, Logain. He gets chased by a beggar and ends up viewing the procession from the top of a wall. Startled by a girl’s voice, Rand falls and is knocked unconscious.

Rand is excited about seeing the false Dragon, Logain, but Mat refuses to even get out of bed. Undeterred, Rand heads down to the common room. Master Gill tells him that a man who looks like a beggar has been asking around for Rand and his friends by name.

Out in town, Rand allows himself to be swept along with the crowd toward a place where Logain will be brought before the Queen. Just when he is situated, the beggar materializes out of the crowd. Rand abandons his spot and flees. Nevertheless, he is still determined to catch a glimpse of Logain, so he climbs a wall that marks the boundary between the inner city and the palace grounds. It works — until a girl’s voice startles him. He tumbles off the wall, smacks his head, and blacks out.

Let’s recap. So far, Rand’s big adventure in Caemlyn consists of ditching Mat, getting stalked by a homeless guy, and knocking himself out cold. Honestly, at this point, Bela has a stronger résumé for the Dragon Reborn gig.

Lan rescues Egwene and Perrin while Nynaeve and Moiraine make a distraction, and the group continues on toward Caemlyn.

In this gripping installment, Moiraine’s rescue plan goes off exactly as planned. Lan rescues Egwene and Perrin, Moiraine channels a bunch of lightning strikes, and the Whitecloaks’ horses escape thanks to Nynaeve’s handiwork. Not a single complication occurs. Zero tension, zero setbacks. Hollywood, take notes.

If I had to pick the most interesting thing about this chapter, it would be the part where Nynaeve rubs an ointment on the bruises Perrin suffered from the Whitecloaks, and they instantly fade away. In moments. Oh, Nynaeve, don’t worry — I’m sure you just really know your herbology, and this had absolutely nothing to do with the One Power. Go ahead and keep criticizing Moiraine — but pretty soon you’re going to have to either sear yourself out on purpose, or admit that she might not be the villain.

Nynaeve and Moiraine also notice that Perrin’s eyes have changed to a golden color. Lan and Moiraine seem to know something about this. In fact, Lan reveals that he is old acquaintances with Elyas. Just when it seems like we’re going to get some explanation about where this whole wolf thing came from, Moiraine becomes predictably reticent and starts mumbling about “the Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.” Translation: “Shut up and stop asking questions!” Thanks a lot for the info dump, Moiraine. God forbid we get a straight answer before book five. You just nuked a Whitecloak camp — why don’t you go check off “smite zealots” on your to-do list and stop blue-balling us with cryptic nonsense?

Moiraine, Lan, and Nynaeve find the Whitecloak encampment and plunge it into chaos and confusion.

We grudgingly turn back to Moiraine, Lan, and Nynaeve. Moiraine loses the AirTag trail at one point, then shortly thereafter regains it. Clearly, this runs parallel to Chapter 30: Children of Shadow where Perrin and Egwene managed to get their dumb asses captured by the Whitecloaks.

When they near the Whitecloak encampment, Moiraine makes a plan. Nynaeve will sneak over to where the camp’s horses are tied up and cut the picket line most of the way through. Moiraine will create a distraction, and Lan will use confusion to mount a rescue.

It’s a refreshing change to see Nynaeve do something other than yank her braid and berate everyone else for daring to even breathe. She steals over to the horses and accomplishes her task like a boss. She also happens to locate Bela (our savior?) just before lightning starts striking the ground near the camp. In the same moment, wolves launch their attack.

Mayhem erupts, and Moiraine itches to check off another box on her to-do list.

Master Gill gives Rand and Mat a meal before they head up to their room. Cursed people are boring to hang around with, so Rand explores the inn on his own and meets an Ogier named Loial.

Over a scant meal, Rand tells Master Gill a version of how he and Mat came to be in Caemlyn. He doesn’t delve into the parts about the Trollocs and the Fades so much, and just says that some really bad dudes are after them, and that they need to regroup with Moiraine and the rest of their companions so they can seek protection in Tar Valon. Mat is content to sit there and interject pessimistic bullshit into the conversation. Innkeeper duties pull Master Gill away, so the boys finish their meal and are shown to their room. Mat just wants to lie in bed and talk sweetly with his precious dagger, so Rand explores the inn on his own.

The Queen’s Man has a feature that Rand has never seen before — an extensive library, filled with books. It is also filled with a new character. We are in chapter 36, which is roughly 2/3 of the way through the book. The fact that we are still introducing new major characters is testament to the series’ structure and pace. This is a long journey, and as if to prove that we’ve barely even made it out of the opening credits, this chapter introduces us to Loial. As an Ogier, he is massive in size and stature, and his life parallels the Wheel of Time series — it’s really fucking long, and most of it still lies ahead. He tells Rand that he’s “only 90 years old” and technically didn’t have permission from his elders to leave his stedding and go traveling.

A few minutes of conversation with Loial makes it clear that he is very much a student of history. He spent years reading about the world, and seems to know more about the history of Andor than most of its residents do. He asks Rand what brings him so far from home, and Rand finds himself telling Loial everything. The story makes Loial realize Rand and his companions are ta’veren — highly influential people who cause major changes in the Pattern. Loial asks to come with them, but Rand turns him down because apparently adding a giant to the group would be too obvious. Sure, Rand. It’s the giant that’ll blow your cover — not the best friend with a cursed dagger, the other friend with wolf eyes, the Aes Sedai and her Warder, or your own little habit of randomly channeling the One Power.

Rand and Mat head to The Queen’s Man, per Thom’s instructions. Master Gill, the innkeeper, allows them to stay at the inn while they look for their missing companions.

Let’s stick with Rand and Mat this chapter. Screw everyone else. Almen drops them off as soon as they roll into Caemlyn. Mat is acting way more paranoid and negative than you would expect from a happy-go-lucky goofball, but I guess that’s what carrying around a cursed dagger will do to you. Rand insists that they follow Thom’s parting instructions and seek out an inn called The Queen’s Man.

The innkeeper — Master Gill —  turns out to be an old friend of Thom’s. According to him, Thom used to be employed by the Queen’s court right there in Caemlyn. Gill says he was Courtbard, but let’s call things what they are — he was the court jester, and now Danny Kaye is beginning to make a solid (if unconvincing) case for replacing Patrick Stewart in the role of Thom Merrilin. Rand and Mat tell Master Gill that Thom is dead, but Gill says he’ll believe that when he sees a corpse.

Evidently, Thom’s name still carries weight — enough for a meal, a bed, and the rare luxury of not sleeping in a hayloft — so they head to the common room for some food.

Rand and Mat narrowly avoid another Fade and hitch a ride that finally gets them to Caemlyn.

How many chapters have we been stuck with Rand and Mat now? Four in a row. What happened with Perrin and Egwene after they fell into the clutches of the Whitecloaks? Where the hell is Moiraine and company?

ROBERT JORDAN: Who the fuck cares? They aren’t the Dragon Reborn. Let’s continue on with the Rand (and Mat, I guess) show!

Waking up in a haystack one day after almost being murdered in the stables, Rand and Mat see that droves of people are headed to catch a glimpse of Logain. Walking the entire day, dusk finds them in the last town before Caemlyn. Outside the village inn, two men stand conversing in shadows. Rand realizes with a start that one of them is actually a Fade.

The Fade departs, and we learn that the man (and Darkfriend) he was speaking with is the innkeeper, Raimun Holdwin. An elderly man who is preparing his cart nearby, Almen Bunt, comments that Raimun keeps strange friends. Raimun says that his friend is a rich merchant whose heron-mark sword was stolen by two young Darkfriends. Almen doesn’t give him much credit, and is more focused on preparing for a journey through the night into Caemlyn.

When Raimun disappears inside, Rand approaches Almen and asks for a ride. Almen yammers the whole way there. He rambles about Andoran royalty — how the Daughter-Heir, Elayne, will go to study at the White Tower, while her brother Gawyn will train with the Warders. We learn that Moiraine’s half-brother, Taringail Damodred, is Elayne and Gawyn’s father. Also, Elaida is no longer at the White Tower, and is serving as Queen Morgase’s advisor.

Rand soon grows tired of listening to this huge lore dump, and nods off to sleep. He wakes up to Caemlyn’s walls rising in the dawn light — an actual city, after four chapters of barns, hedgerows, and haystacks. About damn time. If the next chapter starts in a stable, I’m calling the Dark One myself.

Rand and Mat deal with the aftereffects of their encounter with Gode, and escape from a couple more Darkfriends as they make their way closer to Caemlyn.

In Chapter 21: Listen to the Wind, Moiraine told Nynaeve about how wilders — women who learn to channel on their own — typically experience a miraculous resolution to a life or death situation, which is quickly followed by a sudden-onset fever that clears up quickly. Hmm… hey Rand, how you doing, buddy?

Immediately after Four Kings, it isn’t Rand who needs help, but rather Mat. Apparently Mat was staring directly at the window when it blew apart, leaving him half-blind. Unfortunately, the boys don’t have the option to hang around Four Kings and find an optometrist, so Rand leads Mat by the hand all the way to the next town.

A meal and a night’s rest at the local inn finds them in considerably better shape. Mat’s vision is much improved, and Rand’s spirits are on the mend. They decide to sit down for a nice breakfast before heading out. Sounds like the perfect time for a Darkfriend to waltz in and take a shit all over everything! Paitr strolls into the common room and approaches Rand and Mat with all the timidity of a rookie Jehovah’s Witness recruit who is still learning to evangelize. Paitr’s approach is actually kind of funny — instead of making a murderous attempt on their lives, he says he “just wants to talk,” stammering out an unconvincing spiel about how the Great Lord of the Dark is too powerful, and how they’ll never get away. Rand gives him a satisfying pop in the nose, and they hurry out of town.

At the next town, the inn is packed with people who are headed for Caemlyn to see Logain. Mat’s vision is improved enough that their plan is to perform again in exchange for room and board, but during their interview with the innkeeper, Rand suddenly comes down with that fever we’ve been waiting for. New plan! Mat convinces the innkeeper to give them some food and let them sleep in the stables in exchange for Rand not stumbling into his common room and coughing all over the place. Mat manages to get Rand comfortable in the stable, and they catch a little sleep. But soon, a well-dressed woman comes into the stable under the pretense of checking on her horse. Surprise! She’s another Darkfriend, and she tries to murder them.

Jesus. Gode, Paitr, the woman in the stables. Just how many people are pledging their eternal souls to the Great Lord of the Dark? It almost seems like they have enough recruits to hold a Darkfriend convention and start handing out yard signs.

Four Kings is a ghetto. Rand and Mat must perform at an inn run by a creepy man who means to rob them, or worse. They are cornered by a Darkfriend who demands they submit to the Dark One, and Rand channels lightning to help them escape.

This chapter begins by describing what a decrepit shithole Four Kings is. The houses are drab and weathered, the ground rutted from all the wagons traffic. And the children are playing in the ruts, for heaven’s sake. Men are *gasp* yelling lewd comments at women! It is difficult to read the description of the town and not think of that scene in Eurotrip where the group finds itself in Eastern Europe.

Despite their misgivings about the town, Rand and Mat spot thunderclouds rolling in and they don’t want to get caught in the rain. All but one inn has already hired entertainment, and the one place that hasn’t — The Dancing Cartman — gives off a vibe that makes the Bates Motel seem inviting by comparison. The proprietor, Saml Hake, is a vile man who treats his wait staff like shit. He retains the services of two bouncers, as though he expects trouble. If this guy lived in modern-day Earth, he’d be the type that walks around with a pistol tucked into the waistband of his pants. Saml grudgingly agrees to feed them and give them a place to sleep in exchange for filling his common room.

Before long, the common room is indeed packed, and the rain comes down in sheets. As they perform, Rand catches Saml eyeing his sword and Thom’s flute covetously, and he warns Mat that Saml is going to try to rob them. He also spots a well-dressed man in the crowd who keeps flashing a creepy “I just might be a Darkfriend” smile in their direction. During their meal break, Rand learns that this man is Howal Gode, a merchant from Whitebridge.

The hour grows late, and eventually the common room empties, with Gode being the last man to disappear upstairs to his room. Hake and his goons take Rand and Mat to their accommodations for the night. When they leave, Rand wedges the door shut. They try to escape through the window, but find metal bars on the outside. Someone tries to open the door — it’s Gode, and he has men with him in the hallway and outside of the window. He makes no attempt to hide the fact that he serves the Dark One, and demands they do the same.

Gode’s men start hammering on the door and it is clear that there is no escape. Suddenly, lightning strikes the metal bars on the window and obliterates most of the wall. With a thunderstorm raging, the obvious conclusion is pure luck. Sure, lightning just happened to hit the exact set of bars on the window Rand was staring at while screaming inside his head. Total coincidence. Ignoring the downpour, the boys bolt into the night.

It’s just Rand, Mat, and a long dusty road. Can anyone say “buddy road trip?” Along the way, they trade labor and performance art for food and lodging.

Rand and Mat walk east toward Caemlyn, avoiding strangers whenever possible. They don’t have much money left, so Rand once again brings up the idea of selling the ruby dagger, and Mat flips out. Sell his precious? Outrageous! Maybe we should start with something less drastic, like cutting off an arm.

With money tight, the boys often trade farm labor for food and lodging. Rand hates wasting daylight working when they could be covering ground. Plus a lot of the homesteaders are distrustful of strangers, and they often find themselves chased away like vermin. But at one friendly farm — Master Grinwell’s — they actually get invited inside for a meal with his family. Mat juggles for them and Rand plays Thom’s flute. Master Grinwell is absolutely taken by the entertainment, and suggests that men would pay good money to see them perform. He starts getting ideas about Rand and Mat staying for another day, but Mistress Grinwell has noticed her teenage daughter Else eyeing Rand like he’s the last sausage at breakfast and decides this flute-playing thing has gone far enough.

From then on, they spend their nights in relative comfort by performing at inns in exchange for room and board. Since they don’t need daylight to perform, it also maximizes their travel time. All in all, the journey is smooth. But then they reach Four Kings.

Well, turns out a stedding ain’t so safe after all. Not from religious zealotry, at any rate. The Children of the Light march into the area, taking Elyas, Perrin, and Egwene by surprise. Elyas tells them to run, and hightails it out of there. Despite the wolves’ attacks and Perrin taking out two of the Children with his axe, Perrin and Egwene are captured.

Elyas and Perrin exchange some words away from the campfire by the stedding’s pond. When Elyas asks Perrin about Egwene, Perrin admits he loves her. He even says that it’s not brotherly love, and makes it clear that if Rand weren’t in the picture, he’d be making his move. Theory confirmed!

Suddenly, both men receive a telepathic warning from the wolves. They run back to douse the fire, and Elyas tells them to run before vanishing into the night. Despite it being pitch black, Perrin effortlessly finds a hiding spot amidst the ruins of the Artur Hawkwing statue. That’s right — in addition to telepathically communicating with wolves, Perrin now has superhero-grade night vision. These abilities are cool and all, but there had better be some kind of lore and backstory behind them. Like why Perrin, and where do these powers come from? I’m waiting for answers, Mr. Jordan.

Perrin probably could have chosen a better hiding spot if it had been just him and Egwene — but hiding a horse tends to limit your options, and they can’t abandon Bela, right? What if she’s the Dragon Reborn? Perrin and Egwene wait, watching helplessly as men with torches sweep the camp in formation until they are discovered. The soldiers demand that they come out and drop their weapons. Hopper chooses this moment to tear out the throat of one of the mounted men, but a spear skewers and pins him to the ground. For half a heartbeat, Perrin freezes. Then rage takes him, and he charges with an axe in his hands — until a blow from the side sends him sprawling into darkness.

***

Perrin regains consciousness in a Whitecloak tent. He and Egwene are both securely bound, hand and foot. Geofram Bornhald greets them. He is the Lord Captain of the Children, and father to Dain Bornhald, whom we met in Baerlon. Also present is Jaret Byar, a goon who has a penchant for committing acts of violence first and asking questions never. When he is questioned, Perrin makes up a version of the truth that leaves out their involvement with shadowspawn and Aes Sedai. Bornhald doesn’t buy it and decides to keep the Emond’s Fielders captive. The good news? The Children are marching toward Caemlyn. The bad news? Perrin killed two Children — and the gallows are waiting.

Elyas, Perrin, and Egwene run away from deadly flocks of ravens. They find a place of peace and safety called a stedding — a place so peaceful even the shadowspawn won’t enter. Elyas tells them about the final days of Artur Hawkwing’s empire.

Elyas guides Perrin and Egwene through rolling hills of wilderness. They move at a pace balanced between urgency and paranoia. Elyas insists on staying below the ridge line whenever possible, and just when it seems like he’s jumping at shadows, a flock of ravens bursts out of a copse of trees. “Oh,” you might say. “A flock of ravens, well that’s not so bad. They’re the eyes and ears of the Dark One and all, but they’re just birds, right?” Then a fox bursts out of the treeline, running as fast as possible, and is swarmed by the ravens until nothing is left but a bloody pulp. Alrighty then, make that a murderous swarm of ravens. Perhaps this situation has become a tad more worrying.

They make haste for some time before they abruptly sense a change. Elyas announces that they have reached a stedding, a place of safety where shadowspawn will not go. It is a place of peace where even Aes Sedai are cut off from the True Source.

In the middle of the stedding is the ruined remains of a statue of Artur Hawkwing. Elyas turns out to be quite the history buff. He tells Perrin and Egwene about how during the final days of his reign, Hawkwing planned to build a capital right here in the stedding, in the center of the continent; but on the day the statue was completed, Hawkwing died. His relatives squabbled amongst themselves, and the land fractured in the War of the Hundred Years. Turns out unifying a continent is easier than keeping your kids from turning it into a generational civil war. Most of his descendants perished, but some voyaged across the Aryth Ocean. I believe this will be relevant later when the Seanchan enter the picture.

Nynaeve is angry — at Moiraine for being right all the time, and at Lan for making her feel all funny inside. In Whitebridge, they learn that Thom likely went downriver, and two of the boys went east toward Caemlyn.

Meanwhile, Nynaeve is still stuck traveling with two of her least favorite people in the world. Moiraine and Lan effortlessly push her buttons. Not that it’s hard to push Nynaeve’s buttons — she’s got so many hair triggers that any stray breeze could easily become the target of her vexation. Nynaeve is one of those characters who began the story thinking she had the entire world figured out, so she’s understandably upset when she realizes that she’s out of her depth — and clings to the idea that she must be right, while everyone else has lost their heads.

I think Nynaeve is also angry with herself for being attracted to Lan. It’s pretty inconvenient falling for a man who is magically tethered to another woman. Unless you’re into that sort of thing, which is not the vibe I get from our sheltered Wisdom from Emond’s Field. This guy has been traveling with Moiraine for the last twenty years, and anyone who has read New Spring is well aware that Lan has a thing for Cairhienan women, so let’s not pretend nothing intimate has happened between them. That’s got to add up to a tangled mess of attraction, jealousy, and suppressed gag reflex… unless she’s into that sort of thing. We’ll have to read on to see.

The chapter finds our heroes reaching the White Bridge. Moiraine keeps waving her hands around, searching for traces of the lost AirTags. By the time they are halfway across the bridge, the acrid scent of burned wood makes it clear that something explosive has recently gone down. Several buildings in the town square have been burned to the ground. Moiraine speaks with the townspeople and Nynaeve senses genuine concern and empathy from the Aes Sedai. But we know what’s really bothering Moiraine. That was her destruction to cause, and someone else already checked it off the list!

According to townspeople, a gleeman was chased out of town by a mob of people, and he fled downriver on a boat. That explains where Thom went — I’m guessing his battle with the Fade somehow caused the destruction, and he became the scapegoat. After a meal in the Wayfarer’s Rest, Moiraine believes the two boys who were with Thom must have continued toward Caemlyn. Wasting no time, they get back on the road.

Perrin has another Ba’alzamon dream, so he, Elyas, and Egwene part company with the Tuatha’an.

Over in gypsy-land, Perrin finds that the Tuatha’an make such slow progress that it’s a wonder they ever get anywhere. It makes him nervous because he knows that dark forces are in pursuit. The last thing he wants is to bring harm to such a peaceful people.

The women in the camp take to performing a suggestive dance in front of Perrin. They are amused that it makes his face turn red, so more and more of them join in as the days go on. By day three, it’s less of a dance and more of a coordinated campaign to see if they can get Perrin to faint. Unfortunately, Perrin being Perrin, he does nothing about it. We don’t get to hear about which woman he thinks is most attractive. He doesn’t strike up a conversation with any of them. If this chapter is truly reflecting Perrin’s experience, then all he does is sit, blush, and silently watch the women dance like a boy who wandered into the wrong tavern. If it weren’t for the blushing, I would be ready to question if he’s even attracted to women at all. Does this mean he is introverted and shy to a fault?

Or maybe…

I’m starting to wonder if Perrin is secretly attracted to Egwene. From the start of the book, it was always a forgone notion that Rand and Egwene were crushing on each other. But Min kind of poured water on that fire, didn’t she? Maybe Perrin harbors secret feelings for Egwene that he has pushed to the side out of respect for Rand. But if Egwene is going to run off with some pacifist Tinker freak? Just look at how Perrin goes out of his way to shit all over the good time Egwene is having with Aram. Either he’s jealous that Egwene is way more comfortable with the opposite sex than he is, or he’s upset that she has her sights set on another man.

One night when Perrin has a Ba’alzamon dream, Elyas announces that it is time for them to strike out on their own, and they part ways with Raen’s group.

The Spray reaches Whitebridge. Thom, Rand and Mat search for their lost companions, and learn that their enemies have already been here asking about them. When they attempt to leave the city, a Fade appears and Thom bravely charges it to give Rand and Mat the chance to escape.

The Spray pulls into Whitebridge. The city’s eponymous structure is so impossibly perfect it could only be a relic from the Age of Legends. Captain Domon hands payment to Thom as thanks for boosting crew morale during the trip and tries to convince him to stay on until Illian. It’s a tempting offer, but Thom declines, explaining that they must seek out the people they came to Whitebridge to meet.

Thom leads Rand and Mat to a square in the middle of town where the bridge came down onto the land. At an inn called the Wayfarer’s Rest, they find a secluded part of the common room and chat with the innkeeper. They learn that Logain has been captured and is being paraded back to Tar Valon. They also learn that another hunt for the Horn of Valere is being arranged in Illian.

Thom tries to be circumspect, but the moment he describes their missing companions, the innkeeper’s cordiality turns icy, and he asks them to leave. Both a “weaselly fellow” and a man in a black hooded cloak had already come through asking after the same people, plus a gleeman with white hair. If these were Padan Fain and a Fade, then it’s no wonder that the innkeeper wants nothing more to do with them.

To make matters worse, they hear Gelb in another part of the common room loudly insisting that Thom, Rand, and Mat are Darkfriends. They crawl through a window in to an alley to escape the inn without Gelb noticing them, and Thom takes a brief detour to buy a plain brown cloak. If the Fade is looking for a gleeman, bundling up his colorful cloak and instruments seems to be the most prudent course of action. Unfortunately, this turns out to be too little too late. Scarcely have the three stepped into the square when a Fade appears. People scatter, realizing that something is about to happen. Thom hands Rand and Mat his gleeman cloak bundle and prepares for his very own Gandalf-the-Gray moment — no bridge to stand on, just a grim square and a big bad guy in broad daylight. He tells Rand and Mat to run, then charges the Fade, tumbling to the ground with it in a heap.

Elyas, Perrin, and Egwene meet the Tuatha’an. At their camp, they learn about the culture and hear a story about a dire warning from an Aiel spear maiden about the Eye of the World.

Chapter 25 begins by talking about Bela. Bela! This is feeding right into my conspiracy theories, Mr. Jordan. There was no real need to mention the horse by name, was there? Unless, of course, she is a key character. Or perhaps the Dragon Reborn!? </conspiracy theory>

Egwene tries to pester Elyas into riding the Dragon Reborn Bela, but he tells her in no uncertain terms to piss off — simultaneously putting her in her place and emasculating Perrin. Soon they come upon a large copse of trees where three big dogs threaten them, but Elyas does one of his “dog whisperer” tricks to calm them. He says it means that Tuatha’an are here, clarifying that they are also known as the “Traveling People” or “Tinkers.”

Ah, Tinkers! Now Egwene knows what Elyas is talking about. He ought to have used the proper slurs to begin with. Lucky for everyone involved, it just so happens that these two weeks away from Emond’s Field have turned Egwene into a bona fide expert on the cultures and people of the world. She counsels moving on and avoiding contact, because as everyone knows, Tinkers are raging kleptomaniacs. Hey, Egwene, is there any way you could manage to be more of a provincial bigot? You sound like a small-town girl from Iowa warning that Nigerians are all internet scammers, and that you’d better hold your breath around Indians because they smell like curry.

Elyas gently lets Egwene know that her preconceptions are wrong. He might not like the Tuatha’an, but they aren’t thieves, and they do need a place to camp for the night. Heading into the copse, Perrin and Egwene meet Raen, the leader. It’s clear that Elyas has a history with him and his wife, Ila, but we don’t learn anything about it. Their grandson, Aram, makes an appearance. When he’s not busy hitting on Egwene, Aram explains the Way of the Leaf — the pacifist philosophy his people follow. I guess that makes them a cross between Jains and gypsies?

After Aram whisks Egwene away to have dinner with his parents — whoa, this relationship is moving really fast! — Raen tells a story about a band of Tuatha’an who were crossing the Aiel Waste. They came upon a dying spear maiden who had evidently gone hunting Trollocs in the Blight and was barely alive to tell of it. She spoke of the Dark One meaning to blind the Eye of the World.

Rand, Mat and Thom continue down the Arinelle on the Spray. Gelb is on everyone’s shit list, Rand has another moment of reckless courage, Mat covets his preeeecious dagger, and Thom tries to keep it all from coming apart at the seams.

Rand begins the chapter in Tel’aran’rhiod, the World of Dreams. Or is he somewhere else entirely? Because it sounds pretty similar to the Ways if you ask me, where “what seemed far away might be reached by turning a corner” and “what appeared close could be out of reach altogether.” From that surreal space, suddenly he is in a maze of thorny hedges and passages paved with human skulls. He pricks his finger and Ba’alzamon chases him through the dream like a demented clown from a low budget horror movie. When he wakes up, he still has the cut on his finger. Dun dun dun!

Back in the world of the wakeful, Gelb is in the dog house. Everyone on the ship knows that he was sleeping through his watch, and the least offensive treatment he receives is a fellow crewman spitting on his foot and telling him to get lost. Between the name and the lack of brain cells, I’m starting to wonder if Gelb and Caniedrin from New Spring share a bloodline. I don’t recall what role Gelb ultimately plays in The Eye of the World, but if the Caniedrin parallel holds, he’s going to end up being a Darkfriend, trying to murder Rand, betraying Rand out of spite, or some combination of these.

Rand, meanwhile, is still struggling with his latent channeling abilities without even knowing it. He climbs to the top of the mast, then sits there and laughs maniacally as he feels the sway of the ship and does his best Leonardo DeCaprio impression. Thom has to climb up to let him know that everyone is staring at him like he’s insane, so he slides down to the deck, acting like it was all part of being a gleeman’s apprentice.

This is when we get our first glimpse at the ruby-studded dagger. Mat has been withdrawn, and his obsession with treasure has reached cartoonish levels — even for him. He confesses that he took the dagger from Shadar Logoth, but insists that it doesn’t count because Mordeth didn’t give it to him. For fuck’s sake, Mat. What do you think Shadar Logoth is — a bureaucracy? Evil doesn’t operate on technicalities! This is like saying you can’t get food poisoning from a buffet if you weren’t charged for the plate. Rand promises not to tell anyone about the dagger, and the journey continues.

Perrin and Egwene bumble their way through the wilderness. They meet Elyas, a man who can speak with wolves. Elyas tells Perrin that he has the ability as well, and agrees to guide them toward Caemlyn.

This is one of those character-defining chapters. Perrin, you’re up, buddy!

If the trek through the wilderness teaches Perrin and Egwene anything, it’s that they’re shitty hunters. They manage to catch one rabbit, then spend the rest of their time barely subsisting on shoots and tubers. It’s no wonder why — they spend so much time bickering like a married couple that neither of them has time to hunt. Egwene pesters Perrin about taking turns riding Bela, and Perrin pesters Egwene about not trying to channel to start a fire.

One evening, they smell a cookfire. Perrin scouts ahead and meets Elyas, a man who is dressed head to toe in animal skins. He invites Perrin and Egwene to share his food, and hunger makes the decision for them.

When their stomachs are full and darkness falls, Elyas’ “friends” show up. Turns out he doesn’t work well with others, so these friends are of the four-legged lupine variety. With all the trouble Two Rivers folk have had with wolves, you can imagine their terror when four wolves saunter into the camp and casually seat themselves around the fire.

Elyas is as wary of strangers as anyone else, so he asks Perrin and Egwene what brought them out into the middle of nowhere. The fabricated story they deliver lands flat. Elyas knows it’s a load of shit because he can talk to the wolves, and the wolves can essentially read peoples’ minds. Elyas presses them to tell the truth — they might be Darkfriends, after all — and before long they spill everything about what brought them to the wilderness.

Satisfied that Perrin and Egwene aren’t Darkfriends, Elyas introduces them to Dapple, Hopper, Burn, and Wind. He says that Perrin possesses the ability to speak to wolves too. Most of the wolves seem to accept that Elyas wants to help guide them toward Caemlyn, but Burn shows his dissatisfaction by leaving the camp.

 

Perrin finds Egwene, and they decide to head straight to Caemlyn.

This has to be a record short chapter. Some of the other chapters have been nearly four times as long as this one.

Perrin awakes from a fitful night’s rest. He decides to head south toward Whitebridge, but when he stumbles upon horseshoe marks in the dirt, they lead him straight to Egwene.

Somehow, Egwene has managed to get across the river with Bela and all of her supplies. I swear, this chapter alone is enough to spark conspiracy theories about Bela. Like somehow, she’s the main character, the real hero of this book, and everyone else is merely part of the supporting cast. In fact, just how old is Bela, anyway? Was she born on the slopes of Dragonmount?

Their first notion is to head down the Arinelle to Whitebridge, but they figure that is what the shadowspawn will do as well. So instead, they decide to head straight along the hypotenuse toward Caemlyn.

We have our very first Nynaeve-centric chapter, where she meets up with Moiraine and Lan, then argues with Moiraine as if winning the debate will somehow make their situation less dire. The three decide to travel together, heading south along the Arinelle.

Nynaeve spends the night nestled in a hollow near the banks of the Arinelle. As it happens, this puts her just a stone’s throw from Moiraine and Lan, so naturally she sneaks up and listens. It sounds like the silver marks Moiraine gave to Rand, Mat and Perrin were the Aes Sedai equivalent of AirTags, so she can sense that one of them made it to the opposite bank while the others went downriver. Of course, since Rand and Mat gave theirs away, they are no longer trackable.

Moiraine is able to sense Nynaeve’s presence, so she gets busted for eavesdropping. Moiraine explains she could do this because Nynaeve can wield the One Power too. Naturally, Nynaeve childishly refuses to believe it, but Moiraine presses on and convinces her that this explains everything mysterious that has happened over the course of her life. Her abilities as a Wisdom to heal injuries and predict the weather didn’t come from “listening to the wind” like everyone had assumed — she was subconsciously reaching out to the True Source. I guess Nynaeve is “growing up” as much as any of the other folks from Emond’s Field. As tempting as it is to blame her for lashing out and pushing this vague, self-righteous crusade where she expects Moiraine to “do something” — the fact that she tears up near the end of the chapter demonstrates that she is as immature as all the other country bumpkins.

Finally, we get lots of hints dropped throughout this chapter about the relationship that will bloom between Nynaeve and Lan. To be honest, I had forgotten about it before starting The Eye of the World, but was reminded when I saw the dot on Nynaeve’s forehead in some fan art. Those two seem to be almost polar opposites — Nynaeve is this seething cauldron of angst and rage, and Lan is cool and calm like the surface of an alpine lake on a windless day. Of course there will be fireworks when these two come together! Thinking back to New Spring where we learned of Lan’s romantic misadventures in Cairhien and the business with his carneira, I wonder what Nynaeve will say when she learns just how many fortresses Lan has stormed.

In their desperation to flee the shadowspawn and the evil presence of Shadar Logoth, the group becomes fractured. Perrin makes it across the Arinelle River. Rand, Mat, and Thom find passage downriver aboard the Spray. The fate of the other characters remains unknown.

Moving through the haunted city, Lan and Moiraine take the lead and carelessly allow the rest to fall behind. At a yell from Moiraine, the laggards screech to a halt. A thin line of fog crosses their path, growing from a wisp into a tendril, and then thickens into a sinister, smoky vine. Moiraine explains that this is Mashadar, the evil presence that infects Shadar Logoth. She tells them to head east, toward the red star in the sky and the Arinelle River.

Now that they’re separated from anyone who knows what the hell they are doing, the rest of the group — Rand, Mat, Perrin, Thom, Egwene, and Nynaeve — predictably scatters in multiple directions the moment they encounter Trollocs.

Perrin finds Egwene, and they gallop out of the city pursued by Trollocs. Perrin’s mount runs straight off a steep bluff and plunges into the Arinelle. He manages to swim to the other side, but it is unclear what became of Egwene.

Rand quickly finds Mat and Thom. They also make it to the Arinelle, but they find a boat moored there in the night. With Trollocs in pursuit, they have no choice but to toss their belongings over the rail and scramble aboard. In his haste, Rand clobbers a sleeping deckhand whose parents hated him enough to name him Gelb. The crew of the boat quickly helps fight off the Trollocs and get the craft moving downriver.

The captain of the Spray is Bayle Domon, who speaks like he just got off the boat from Jamaica. Captain Domon demands payment for passage to Whitebridge and compensation for the Trolloc trouble, so Rand and Mat pony up the silver marks they got from Moiraine. Thom makes some shit up about how they ended up where they did, and in so doing turns Rand and Mat into his apprentices.

Mat cajoles Rand and Perrin into slipping away and exploring Shadar Logoth. They meet the evil spirit Mordeth, nearly falling victim to his tricks before escaping back to camp. With Trollocs combing the city, it’s time to move again.

Lan quickly locates a building where the group can take shelter. Moiraine settles down in the corner of a room and consults with Nynaeve about taking an herbal sleep aid. With Lan watching the Wisdom distrustfully, Thom and the boys take the horses into an inner room.

This seems like a good time to talk about Mat, because this chapter really cemented my vision of his character. When I first read this book back in 1993, the role of Matrim Cauthon somehow got filled in my mind by Matthew Broderick. This can be attributed partly to Mr. Broderick’s iconic prankster role in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986), but mostly to his turn in Ladyhawke (1985) as Phillipe Gaston. Phillipe is a thief, known as “The Mouse,” who begins the film by escaping from medieval castle dungeons. All the while he mutters things that are both comedic and humble, such as when he squeezed through an impossibly tight hole in some rocks:

PHILLIPE: This is not unlike escaping my mother’s womb. God, what a memory.

Or, later in the film, when weird shit starts happening with his traveling companions:

PHILLIPE: Maybe I’m dreaming. My eyes are open, which means maybe I’m awake dreaming that I’m asleep. Or, or more likely, I’m asleep dreaming that I’m awake wondering if I’m dreaming.

Or the classic:

PHILLIPE: Sir, the truth is, I talk to God all the time, and, no offense, but He never mentioned you.

So many to choose from. The point being that Phillipe, at first glance, is a flippant character who is only capable of causing trouble for himself and others. But he gets swept up in a series of events, and demonstrates that he’s really a rogue with a heart. Sound familiar? I’m looking at you, Matrim Cauthon.

With Lan’s attention focused on Moiraine in the other room, and Thom having gone off to smoke his pipe, Mat is operating in full mischief mode. Actually, it’s Ferris mode, right? Because within moments, he has concocted a plan to sneak out, play hooky from Moiraine and Lan, and explore the city. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Naturally Rand and Perrin are swept along for the ride. Granted, they aren’t cruising around in a Ferrari, and it ain’t the Windy City of Chicago, but the parallel is undeniable once you spot it.

The boys explore a bit. Eventually, when Mat is unable to find any parades to hijack, he suggests they climb one of the nearby spires since it’s as close to the Sears Tower as he’s going to get. Rand and Perrin try to play the voice of reason, noting that it’s nearly sunset, but Mat insists that there is treasure to be found in a ruined city like this. That’s when a funny little man named Mordeth shows up. He says the towers are dangerous, but if it’s treasure they want, Mordeth has already discovered it! He just needs a little help carrying it to his horses — and promises there will be plenty left for the boys to keep.

As if to prove they are tragically gullible and naive, they follow this mystery man down into a dark cellar. Jesus. It’s like watching kids follow a clown into a sewer. If these three were alive in modern-day Earth, they all would have taken candy from a man in a white van and ended up with their pictures on the sides of milk cartons before they were ten years old. To cut a long story short, Mordeth turns out to be a creepy, evil spirit-thing, and they book it out of the cellar and back to base.

This time, the women in the party are completely justified in telling the boys that they have shit for brains. Mat proves the point when he argues that, since Moiraine said shadowspawn fear entering Shadar Logoth, the logical conclusion is that this ancient, abandoned city must be perfectly safe for them. Fuck no! Mordeth, Moiraine says, was the quintessential Evil Vizier of the city back in the days of Manetheren, and engineered its downfall.

A short while later, Lan returns from scouting and rouses everyone. The Fades are forcing the Trollocs to search Shadar Logoth, so it’s time to move.

Trolloc armies close in on the group from both sides, leaving them with no choice but to abandon the Caemlyn Road and head north through the hills. They do battle with a Trolloc army, and escape toward the abandoned city of Shadar Logoth.

Not even two weeks out of Emond’s Field, and Egwene has already forgotten to be grateful that everyone is still fed and alive. She complains about having to eat cheese, then turns to whining about wanting a hot cup of tea. Lan snaps at her and lets her know that the only fire they’ll have on the road will be coming from the charred remains of her corpse if the Trollocs catch up with them.

A hunting horn sounds from the West, and they get moving again. Lan scouts behind and finds at least three Fades coming their way, each commanding an army of 100 Trollocs. Before long, horns sound from the East as well. They’re being pincered from both sides! Since the Taren River lies to the South, the only option remaining is to head north. It’s slow going across the hilly terrain, and soon they crest a hill to find themselves staring at a long line of Trollocs, led by a Fade. Lan tells everyone to stay close and charges the Fade.

The first proper battle of the book has begun! This is where we first see the trademark battle cries in Wheel of Time. During my first read of this book, I was coming straight from having devoured books in the Redwall series, so the battle cries didn’t seem all that strange to me. Your mileage may vary. Lan bellows about the Seven Towers. Rand takes up the cry of “Manetheren! Manetheren!” And Mat? Mat starts yelling a battle cry in a dead language that we have never heard him speak. Setting aside everything that Min said at the Stag and Lion, this is our first glimpse of how there is a lot more to Mat than being a happy-go-lucky prankster.

Lan grapples with the Fade, Moiraine roasts Trollocs with fire weaves, and Rand flails away with his sword. Things are looking bleak, outnumbered as they are, when suddenly the Trollocs all fall screaming to the ground, clawing at their faces. Lan has decapitated the Fade, which apparently decimates the Trollocs under its command as well. Turns out killing the general is a hell of a morale-breaker.

There is no time to celebrate victory. Pressing on, they are soon set upon by three Fades, each with their own Trolloc army. So Moiraine grabs her angreal, channels earth — making the ground ripple beneath their feet — and fire — creating a vast, impenetrable wall of fire.

Moiraine creates a false trail for the army to follow, and they press on. Egwene asks Mat about what he yelled during the battle, and Moiraine translates it, identifying it as an ancient battle cry of Manetheren. She seems pleased that the old blood runs so strongly in their veins — or Mat’s, at least.

At last they arrive at the ruins of a vast city, many times larger than Baerlon. But it is obviously abandoned, and vegetation has overtaken it. Moiraine is not happy about ending up here, but Lan points out that this is a place where even shadowspawn will not tread. Always a good sign when the monsters chasing you would rather not go into the place you’re about to sleep, eh? Welcome to Shadar Logoth.

Everyone enjoys a rare moment of jollity, until Rand encounters a Fade and they have to hightail it out of Baerlon.

That evening, nearly everyone in the party is in the common room at the Stag and Lion. Thom is performing, while Rand, Mat, Perrin, Egwene, Moiraine, and even Nynaeve all get swept up in dancing with the other patrons. Their style of dance sounds a lot like line dancing, and it really triggers flashbacks to my elementary school days when square dancing was part of the physical education curriculum. Back then, I hated it for being an entirely too awkward thing to do with my schoolmates — especially the female ones — so I understand the source of Rand’s discomfort when he is briefly partnered with Egwene, Nynaeve and Moiraine. Nevertheless, it seems like they all have a great evening of revelry.

And Lan? Since there is no mention of him dancing, I expect he was standing to the side practicing his “statue” impression and eyeing everyone in the entire room with suspicion.

During all of this, there is a man sitting in the corner whose face is disfigured by a large scar. Both Rand and Mat spot him scowling in their direction during the dances. Lan reports seeing him too, but dismissively says he’s just a spy for the Whitecloaks. At the end of the evening, everyone heads upstairs to sleep and prepare for an early departure, but Rand goes to the kitchen for a glass of milk. On his way back, he encounters a Fade who flees when Lan comes running back downstairs. Uh– if Lan is supposed to be able to sense shadowspawn at a distance, why did he even leave Rand downstairs alone in the first place? Sloppy, Mr. Warder, sloppy.

Since their location is known, leaving immediately is the only option. Back at the Caemlyn Road gate where they entered the city, Lan bribes the guards into opening the gate despite the hour.

DAIN BORNHALD: Well lookie what we have here.

The guards stop opening the gate. Dain Bornhald is one of the Whitecloaks Mat decided to splash with mud, and he has a few fellow Children with him.

BORNHALD: Who but Darkfriends would have cause to leave at such a forsaken hour? If you walk in the Light, you have nothing to hide. And if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear. Ah, but the Children of the Light can smell the fear. I will take these ruffians to our camp where they may be questioned in the Light.

MOIRAINE: Like hell you will.

Moiraine fends off Bornhald’s sword attack with her staff. Her entire body appears to grow in size, providing a distraction for her companions to escape through the partially open gate. She even appears to step over the city walls, although it is implied that this was all an illusion. A glow behind them suggests that the Stag and Lion has gone up in flames, no doubt because the proprietor refused to divulge information about them. And so, our intrepid adventurers strike out East, and Moiraine updates her to-do list.

 

Rand meets Min and talks with her about the things she can see. In the city, Rand encounters a haggard Padan Fain and unsuccessfully tries to come to the Stag and Lion for a meal. Rand meets up with Mat and nearly channels during an encounter with some Whitecloaks. Thom counsels the boys to keep theirs mouths shut about Ba’alzamon and the dreams. Nynaeve is waiting for them in the Stag and Lion.

Rand learns that a bunch of rats have been found at the inn, all with their backs broken, just like in his dream. Downstairs, Thom is performing for the common room. Rand ducks into the kitchen for breakfast and meets Sara, the cook. She says that one of Rand’s friends is still upstairs, not feeling well. Predictably, this turns out to be Perrin, who had the same dream. Unable to convince his friend to get up and see the city, Rand heads down to the stable yard.

This is where Rand meets Min. The text constantly draws attention to the fact that sports a short haircut and wears men’s clothing, while at the same time emphasizing her feminine features, creating a strong “sexy tomboy” image. Despite not being part of the main cast of characters, Min is interesting as fuck. She explains to Rand that she can see “pieces of the pattern” when she looks at people. For example, she might know that two people with eventually marry despite having only just met.

Thanks to her ability, this conversation has just turned into one massive hint-fest pointing cryptically toward things that are yet to come in the story. She sees shadows and sparks around Rand, Mat, and Perrin when they are together. Despite Rand having a crush on Egwene, Min tells him that they aren’t meant for each other. Lan is pretty boring, with stuff related to Malkier surrounding him. Around Thom is a man (not Thom) juggling fire and the White Tower. Perrin has wolves, a broken crown, and flowering trees. Mat has a red eagle, an eye on a balance scale, a dagger with a ruby, a horn, and a laughing face. Around Rand, she sees a sword that isn’t a sword, a crown of laurel leaves, a beggar’s staff, him pouring water on sand, a bloody hand, a white-hot iron, three women standing over a funeral bier with him on it, a black rock wet with blood, and lightning surrounding him. Sorry for writing all of this shit down, but I cannot tell you how many times during my first read through that I went back to look at the things Min saw, so it makes sense to keep it in a convenient place.

Min tells Rand that they will meet again, strongly implying the two of them will be involved in some capacity. Spooked by the conversation, Rand runs out into the city.

In the crowd, Rand spots the Darkfriend peddler who was in Emond’s Field, Padan Fain.  Cornering Fain in an alley, he sees that the man’s clothes are in tatters.

RAND: Master Fain! It’s me, Rand. From Emond’s Field. We all thought the Trollocs had taken you. We’re staying at the Stag and Lion. Come back with me and we’ll get you cleaned up.

FAIN: That Aes Sedai is with you, isn’t she? Don’t tell her you saw me! Promise me!

RAND: I promise. But please, let me help you.

FAIN: The Stag and Lion, you say?

RAND: Yeah, we’re there until tomorrow.

FAIN: Heh heh. Sucker.

Fain bolts, and Rand runs right into Mat. They decide to head back to the inn to discuss last night’s dream with Perrin. But on the way they cross paths with some Whitecloaks, and Mat, being Mat, cannot resist a prank. He runs off to arrange for an “accident” involving barrels to occur, splashing the Whitecloaks’ pristine garments with mud. Rand can’t help but laugh and this draws their attention. The Whitecloaks accost him, and he acts more cocky than normal. In fact, all throughout this exchange we keep reading about how Rand feels like he has a fever, and is full of energy. It’s not too much of a leap to see that he is most likely preparing to touch the male half of the True Source, saidin. Lamentably, the town watch shows up and diffuses the situation, and the two friends make their way back to the inn.

They encounter Thom along the way and begin telling him about the dream. When they inquire about Ba’alzamon, Thom pulls them aside and admonishes them about speaking a name like that out loud. He recommends the boys do not tell Moiraine about the dream, and they all hurry back to the inn to make sure Perrin keeps his mouth shut.

Perrin meets them at the inn and lets them know that they’ve got a bigger problem now — Nynaeve is in the Stag and Lion.

At the Stag and Lion, baths are the first order of business, and Lan expresses displeasure with how carelessly the boys speak. After dinner, Ba’alzamon invades Rand’s dream and lets him know that he’s still being pursued.

Lan heads to the common room to gather news. For the rest of the party, baths are the first order of business. Can you imagine how rank these people must be after traveling for over a week without bathing? Books never emphasize this point, but it must be downright vile.

In the bathing room of the Stag and Lion, more than just the bathwater reaches a boil.

BATH ATTENDANT: I heard there are Trollocs in Saldaea…

MAT: Heh. Let me tell you all about Trollocs.

RAND: Shut up, Mat.

THOM: Aye, best be quiet, lad. You always get the stories wrong when you try to tell them.

MAT: What? I was just going to tell him about Emond’s Fi–

PERRIN: Shut up, Mat.

MAT: Look, he brought it up first. I–

Lan bursts into the room and kicks the attendant out, then focuses his rage on Mat.

LAN: Idiot sheepherder. Don’t talk about Trollocs, don’t even think about Trollocs. What part of this do you not understand?

RAND: Gosh, that bath attendant seemed to be worried about something…

PERRIN: I’ll bet it’s the Trollocs.

LAN: God damn it!

Soon the entire contingent is seated in a private dining room, enjoying a meal together. Moiraine proves that she is still human after all by suggesting they stay for two nights in Baerlon. Oh boy — let the country bumpkins run around unsupervised in a big city for a day. Clearly, Moiraine does not realize that this is the fantasy equivalent of feeding a mogwai after midnight. 

That night Rand is back in Tel’aran’rhiod, and this time he has a proper meeting with Ba’alzamon, which means “heart of the dark” in the old tongue. But I don’t speak the old tongue, so I’ll just call him Ballzy. Naturally, the dream leads to nothing but cryptic talk and vague threats, although Ballzy does strongly imply a physical connection between dreams and the real world when he breaks a rat’s back in the dream.

A lengthy journey brings the group to Baerlon, where a bribed gatekeeper is happy to let them in. We learn that the Children of the Light have set up camp outside the city. Moiraine and Lan have arranged lodging at an inn called the Stag and Lion.

Everyone settles down to rest at the campsite Lan prepared ahead of time. Moiraine does some hocus pocus on her traveling companions, and everyone is completely refreshed after sleeping for only an hour.

The next stop on their journey is Baerlon, but it takes them a week to get there because of the meandering route Lan chooses for them. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this segment could belong to a zombie apocalypse book for how careful he is to avoid contact with anything humanoid. Along the way, cue a musical montage as Moiraine continues her sessions with Egwene, Lan attempts to impart some knowledge about combat to the boys, and Thom even teaches juggling.

Baerlon finally comes into view, and the Emond’s Fielders realize that they’ve never seen a real city until now. Moiraine assumes her old pseudonym, Lady Alys, and she tells everyone that Lan is to be known as Andra.

LAN: Listen up, you three. When we’re in Baerlon, don’t mention Trollocs, Fades, Darkfriends or anything like that. Comprende?

RAND/MAT/PERRIN: Got it, chief.

The gatekeeper who lets them into Baerlon will not shut up. He lets Moiraine know that the Children of the Light have a camp set up outside of the city, but the mayor refuses to let more than ten of them inside the walls at once. The Children of the Light, for those who do not know, is a military organization that is sort of what you would get if you crossed the Ku Klux Klan with the Spanish Inquisition and adjusted the religious backstory to be universe-appropriate. Like most religious zealots, they specialize in advancing their own agenda under the guise of acting in the interest of a greater good.

As they walk through the streets of Baerlon, Rand and Thom chitchat about the gatekeeper’s news. A false Dragon raising an army to march on Tear? Rand wonders aloud how the prophecy involving the fall of the Stone of Tear is even achievable.

Their conversation is cut short when they reach their accommodations for the night: the Stag and Lion.

Once the group is across the Taren, they make camp for the night. Moiraine guides Egwene through touching the True Source for the first time.

Soon, everyone is on the other side of the Taren. Lan counts gold coins into the ferryman’s hands.

LAN: Here is the rest of the payment, as promised.

MOIRAINE: [impassively] Oh no, your ferry.

There’s a crack of splintering wood as the ferry abruptly breaks away from its moorings and floats downstream.

MOIRAINE: How unfortunate. Must have been a freak whirlpool.

LAN: Yes, most unfortunate. Here is some extra compensation for your trouble.

Lan leads the party to a campsite he prepared ahead of time. The men listen uneasily as Moiraine explains the True Source and the One Power to Egwene. Rand, in particular, is horrified at the idea of Egwene learning to channel, which is understandable — the only way for men to touch the One Power is through a layer of corruption created by the Dark One that drives them mad and kills them. But Egwene is delighted when Moiraine guides her in touching the True Source for the first time, and is excited to become an Aes Sedai.

The group makes it to Watch Hill, quickly moving on to Taren Ferry where they rouse the ferryman to take them across the Taren.

Setting a breakneck pace, the group makes it to Watch Hill in what Rand figures must be a record time. Several members of the party speak longingly about getting some rest and refreshments, but Lan says they can’t stop until they are across the Taren River. Rand protests that the horses have been run to the point of exhaustion, but Moiraine lays hands on them, and suddenly they’re all good as new. The scream of the Draghkar splits the night — the horses panic, and it is difficult to keep them reined in. Moiraine conjures a thick fog to throw off their pursuers, and soon the group reaches Taren Ferry. The ferryman is understandably upset to be woken in the middle of the night, but the glint of gold coins — the universal alarm clock — easily convinces him to take the group across the Taren.

A small “Me Too!” party happens in the stables as Egwene and Thom join the group of bold adventurers who are eager to leave Emond’s Field. Seeing a Draghkar in the sky lets them know they are still being hunted.

With the angry mob dispersed, Moiraine and Lan can finally get on the road with the boys.

Perrin is already in the stables with his trademark half-moon axe. Here’s the thing about Perrin’s axe — I never understood how he doesn’t cut himself on the damn thing! The book describes it as “a broad half-moon blade on one side of the head and a curved spike on the other.” If this thing is hanging from a loop on his belt, as the book describes, then what the fuck is stopping Perrin’s hand or arm from accidentally brushing against the blade or the spike? Rand’s sword has a scabbard. Mat’s arrows rest in a quiver. What is stopping Perrin from suffering severe lacerations every time he needs to scratch his balls? Dumb luck?

Suddenly Egwene waltzes into the stable, announcing that she is coming with them, because as she shared with Rand earlier, she naively wants to see the world. Once the group gets past arguing about whether or not Egwene is coming, Thom hops down from the hayloft announcing that he’s also getting the hell out of Two Rivers, and would be happy to perform in Tar Valon. If any more characters come out of the woodwork to join the adventure, they’re going to need a god damn party bus instead of horses.

But amazingly, they really do get underway. Not far outside of the village, they spot a Draghkar wheeling about in the air, searching for them. Moiraine declares that they must make haste toward Taren Ferry if they are going to reach it before the Trolloc army.

Rand has a bad dream and says goodbye to Tam. A mob accuses Moiraine of being the cause of the town’s misfortunes, and she gives a TED Talk about Manetheren to let them know what a shitty job they’re doing of living up to their ancestors’ legacy.

Blah blah blah, Rand has a nightmare, blah blah blah blah blah. Yes, I know — Tel’aran’rhiod, the world of dreams, is important in the Wheel of Time series. But these paragraphs are simultaneously fluffy like an overstuffed pillow, and yet denser than a box of Clif Bars. I have no patience for tripe like this unless it is material to the story.

Rand finally wakes up and gets to speak with Tam, who has also regained consciousness. Tam warns Rand about Aes Sedai, but does not try to dissuade him from going.

Outside, an angry mob has gathered around Moiraine, complete with torches and pitchforks. They are urging her to leave the village, convinced that it was she who brought the attack upon them. Bran approaches the crowd and castigates them for showing no gratitude toward Moiraine for her services rendered.

But let’s face it — Bran is a fucking teddy bear, and nobody is going to take this kind of talk from him seriously. As an outsider, Moiraine sees this more clearly than anyone, so she gives the mob of men a taste of what truly motivates them: a lambasting from a powerful woman.

Emond’s Field, says Moiraine, owes its namesake to Aemon al Caar al Thorin, a man who two thousand years ago was the King of a land called Manetheren, which included all of Two Rivers and then some. Aemon was renowned for his courage, and his army played a pivotal role in battles during the Trolloc Wars. One day, Manetheren needed help from other nations to combat a Trolloc invasion. Sadly, help never came, but the brave people of Manetheren fought to the bitter end, making their last stand precisely where Emond’s Field is today. When the battle was finally lost, Aemon’s Queen, Eldrene unleashed a fireball that burned the Trolloc armies alive.

Those who fled their home found nothing of their farms, villages or cities remaining. So they picked up the pieces and carried on. And this sorry lot of superstitious, xenophobic, ignorant, petty excuses for villagers was is now what remains of the once-great Kindgom of Manetheren. Moiraine didn’t actually say this to the crowd confronting her on the village green, but it was strongly implied. Cowed and embarrassed, the mob disperses with muttered apologies.

Moiraine heals Tam while Rand chats with Lan. Rand learns that he, Mat and Perrin were the targets of the attack, so he reluctantly agrees that he must leave Emond’s Field to keep it safe.

Moiraine kicks everyone out of the room except Rand and Lan, then kneels over Tam to perform healing. Rand sits on the other bed, where Lan joins him and tells him that the heron symbol on his sword is the mark of a master swordsman — adding that it is curious that it should end up in the possession of a sheepherder. Moiraine pauses from exhaustion, declaring that Tam is still afflicted by the evil of the blade that wounded him. It will get worse if left untreated, she says, so Rand pulingly pleads with Moiraine to do more. It’s a moment that feels exactly like the scene in Superman III where Ricky Lane, the most annoying character in the whole movie, watches Evil Superman emerge drunk from a bar and insists that Superman is just sick. “You can help him, I just know you can,” says Rand, nailing the Ricky Lane impression. To get him to shut the fuck up, Moiraine enlists the help of her angreal to channel enough of the Power to finish healing Tam.

RAND: Thank you so much, Moiraine Sedai. How can I ever repay you?

MOIRAINE: It’ll be time to leave soon, so we’ll talk on the road.

RAND: Leave?

MOIRAINE: Oopsies.

Moiraine has spilled the beans about her intentions for Rand, Mat and Perrin. She explains that the Trolloc army specifically targeted the places where those three live. There is something about them that the Dark One fears, and his forces won’t stop trying to kill the three boys. That’s why they’ll all be coming with her, she says — for the good of Emond’s Field. She wants to bring them to Tar Valon, and her reasoning is sound — after all, Trollocs won’t dare attack the home of the White Tower and the Aes Sedai. Perhaps the city will even provide clues about why the Dark One is interested in them.

Moiraine insists that Rand get some sleep, because they must leave that very night.

 

Rand brings Tam to Nynaeve, but there is nothing she can do. Bran al’Vere recommends asking Moiraine to heal Tam, so Rand goes and fetches her.

Rand reaches Emond’s Field.

RAND: Master Luhan! The Trollocs attacked the farm, and my father is in bad shape.

RAND: He needs the Wisdom!

LUHAN: Come on, lad. Let’s get him to the Wisdom. She’ll know what to do.

NYNAEVE: Sorry, Rand. There’s nothing I can do. Byyyye.

RAND: Fuck me.

Bran al’Vere gives Tam a bed at the inn and recommends asking Moiraine to heal him. Rand puts his “sheltered country boy” hat on full display, acting surprised that such a kind and composed woman could be one of those monstrous Aes Sedai from the stories. Setting his reservations aside, he asks Moiraine for help. Despite being exhausted from defending the village, she agrees to try, so they head back to the inn.

Rand drags Tam toward Emond’s Field, avoiding Trollocs and Fades. Tam’s fever makes him babble about the Aiel War and finding Rand as an infant laying on the slopes of Dragonmount.

The most interesting thing about this chapter is Tam having fever dreams and ranting about the Aiel War 20 years ago. I believe this is the same conflict that ended at the beginning of New Spring. I remember reading in New Spring that it was one of Moiraine’s asshole uncles who started the Aiel War, so my guess is this “Laman” character that Tam keeps babbling about has the surname Damodred. It sounds like the war started when Laman chopped down a tree named Avendesora, also known as the Tree of Life, which had been a peace offering from the Aiel many hundreds of years ago.

Tam’s babbling shifts to describing how hellish it was fighting on the slopes of Dragonmount. He desperately needed to escape from the death and carnage. When he finally found a quiet spot, there was a crying baby. According to Tam’s remarkably coherent and informative speech, he and his wife adopted the child and named him Rand. This means that Rand’s true lineage lies with the Aiel — and amusingly, the possibility that the Dragon would be born of the Aiel was a one that never seemed to cross Moiraine’s mind at all during the events of New Spring. Rand, for his part, also refuses to indulge this possibility, and goes on trying to convince himself that he has misunderstood.

Tam and Rand return to find the farm untouched, so they take care of chores. But a bunch of Trollocs show up and let everyone know that they can’t stand a lovely evening. Rand acquires Tam’s sword.

Tam and Rand return to find the farm untouched. Tam decides they should use the remaining daylight to take care of chores, but both men are clearly on edge. Night closes in and they move indoors. Tam locks the doors — unheard of! Nobody does that in Two Rivers! — and retrieves an ancient sword from storage. They prepare to sup on the stew Tam made when the door splinters into pieces and shit kicks into high gear. In the blink of an eye, Trollocs are clambering to get in the farmhouse and extinguish human life. While Tam holds them off, Rand escapes through a back window.

Tam manages to get away from the Trollocs and the farmhouse as well — but when he reunites with Rand, it is evident that he has suffered injuries and is in no condition to strain himself any farther. This gives Rand his Link to the Past moment where he acquires a fancy sword that he has no idea how to use. But oh, does it make him feel like a man!

Unlike Link’s uncle, Rand’s father isn’t actually dead — just severely injured, and in need of care that only a Wisdom can offer. After gathering together some supplies and killing his very first Trolloc using nothing more than dumb luck and a weapon he has not earned, Rand drags Tam toward Emond’s Field on a makeshift sled.

Moiraine meets Mat and Rand, gives each of them a Tar Valon silver mark, and promises to speak with them later.

It’s still part of the slow beginning phase of the book. Lots of scene-setting, not much actually happening.

After Rand and Mat finish unloading the casks of booze in the Winespring Inn’s cellar, they head out onto the village green, where they are watched by a raven. Moiraine appears and introduces herself as a student of history who is interested in learning more about Emond’s Field’s past. She gives each young man a Tar Valon silver mark and promises to have a word with them later.

Tam and Rand al’Thor haul casks of booze to Emond’s field, catching up on the news of the town when they arrive. Rand and his friend Mat both saw a dreadful horseman.

Tam al’Thor and his son Rand travel from their farm in the Westwood to the town of Emond’s field. They are on edge — with winter hanging on late this season, a wolf attack is a very real possibility. In a moment that feels inspired by Michigan J. Frog, Rand spots a different sort of threat: a man on horseback, watching him and radiating hatred. Of course Tam doesn’t see it, and of course Tam doesn’t believe him that the man was really there, so he gaslights his son into thinking that he’s imagining things. Gosh, thanks a lot, Pops.

As father and son finally roll into town, we taste a slice of life in the sleepy country village of Emond’s field. Ah yes, you can almost smell that bucolic idealism. Dogs running around, children playing, nosy neighbors, “goodwives” keeping up the insides of houses, “goodmen” maintaining the exteriors, and joyful preparations for the Bel Tine festival. I’m not sure which one makes me want to vomit more — Gandalf rolling into the Shire at the beginning of Lord of the Rings, the rustic Nelwyn midget village from Willow, or this.

Luckily, if you read at a steady clip, it doesn’t last too long. Rumors are flying around about fireworks, a gleeman, and strangers who have come to town. Mat tries to rope Rand into some of his trademark mischief, but instead is himself roped into helping Rand unload the barrels as the men from the Village Council confer in the Winespring Inn’s common room.

 

I’m excited to be starting on the proper series of books now! I managed to get partway through Lord of Chaos during the 1990s before I finally ended up putting it down for too long and never figuring out how to pick it back up again. After all, you lose your way in a series this long, and reading it turns into a chore. So why did I put it down? Maybe I used to be more OCD. Maybe I used to be a less skilled reader. Maybe I used to think that you needed to process every fucking word that Mr. Jordan wrote.

But here’s what I realized — you can’t do that and maintain your sanity at the same time. It’s kind of like trying to open yourself to saidin — just don’t do it, because otherwise you’ll go nuts. Some of the longer description-heavy paragraphs can easily be skimmed. I don’t need to hang on every word, especially when the words are about Thom stroking his mustache, or Nynaeve tugging her fucking braid.

Which leads me to the other thing I realized: Mr. Jordan overused certain words and phrases. Whether it’s about knuckling backs, women derisively “sniffing” the air, Nynaeve tugging her braid, any female character folding her arms beneath her breasts, or probably a whole host of other common Jordanisms — these phrasing stuck in my head and gave my brain a BSOD every time I read them, seriously hampering my progress. Now? I’m prepared to have as much fun with them as possible.

That’s really what this journal is about, having fun. And note taking. If I have a forum for writing down all of the sarcastic thoughts that run through my mind when I’m reading these books, I will have something to motivate me when the action gets slow or the characters start behaving stupidly. Plus the notes can help get me back on track when I take a break to read something else.

I don’t want to make it sound like I hated the books or the story or the characters. I didn’t. But I didn’t used to have anything to keep me afloat when I got bogged down — and now I very much do. I will kick this main series reading off by saying that I am excited to get to know these characters again, especially after seeing this artist’s rendition of some of them. They are so close to how I pictured them. Especially Mat with the hat, the dice and that shit-eating grin on is face; Perrin with his curly hair and golden eyes; and Naynaeve tugging on that fucking braid.

Let’s read The Eye of the World!

 

Lews Therin Telamon, having murdered all his friends and family, transmogrifies himself into a volcano, creating Dragonmount.

Oh hello there, Lews Therin Telamon. Your name sure gets dropped a lot during the course of these books, from what I can recall. With a claim to fame like yours, why shouldn’t it? You defeated and imprisoned the Dark One, but this time he struck back and poisoned the fucking well. Yes, the male half of the True Source, the sweet nectar of power and creation that you drink from regularly, is now covered with vile film of yuckity-yuck. I guess it’s a little bit like the poison darts in Assassin’s Creed games: it makes you lose your mind, attack your friends, and before too long it is fatal.

At first, Lews Therin’s mind is so divorced from reality that he can’t even acknowledge that anything bad has happened, even though the bodies of his friends and family litter the ground, slain by his own hand. Then Ishamael shows up, who I believe is going to play the role of the Big Bad in this book, if memory serves. Ishmael can also channel the One Power, but he is aligned with the Dark One. It sounds like there is some really bad blood between him and Lews Therin, and Ishmael has shown up to gloat. But that’s kind of hard to do when your enemy’s mind is so far gone that he doesn’t even realize what happened. Luckily, a little channeling sets Lews Therin’s mind straight.

Ishmael wants to break Lews Therin so completely that he will turn to the Dark One as well. But when he realizes the enormity of what the madness has driven him to do, Lews Therin teleports away and thwarts that plan — committing suicide in a most spectacular way, he single-handedly causes the formation of Dragonmount and the island that will one day be Tar Valon, the home of the White Tower.